So, here I am sitting in my apartment alone as usual gathering my thoughts and what I want to do with this life of mine. So many things have been going through my mind as to where I want to be and what I want to do. I finished college over a year ago and have been working in the field in which I thought was the most passionate one I could think of after leaving high school. Perhaps I rushed into things to quickly. I’m beginning to think so as each day passing by at work seems to bother me more and more when I return home. Some people consider me to be lucky as to where I am in my life. I finished high school at the age of 17 and moved to Ottawa in order to embrace my knowledge in the computer-related field as that’s what I’ve had an interest in for most parts of my life. I like fixing things. I admire solving problems. I enjoy puzzles and problem solving. I do this everyday at my work and yet, I hate it most of all. After three years of college and two diplomas, I found myself a permanent full-time job at the age of 20. Once again, I’m very fortunate yet still unhappy. I like the people that I work with but I don’t enjoy the work in which I have to be with these people. I’ll let you in on a secret…
Behind everyone’s back, I decided to apply to college once again, in which I would go back to class this upcoming Fall. It was for an old passion of mine – filmmaking. Recently that’s all I’ve been obsessed with. The work. The creativity. The idea of creating something so powerful and to declare it your own. I enjoyed that feeling quite much that I’ve been making and working on videos of my own to share with the world. I have so many pieces to share and yet not enough time to glue them together and paste it for the world to see.
Around the deadline for post-secondary application submissions, I decided to bite the bullet and apply to one of the top film making schools in Canada. I wasn’t expecting to hear anything in return and if I did, I had doubts of even being accepted.
Just mere weeks later, I received an enclosed envelope in which was a letter and a pamphlet. I opened it up. To my daring eyes, the first three words followed through with “Congratulations, Michael Nugent!” – I couldn’t believe my eyes. I finally would have the key and gateway out of this city and into somewhere new where I could follow a passion of mine.
I kept this alone to myself for quite awhile. Weeks have gone by and I haven’t submitted my acceptance yet. I will still confused whether I should follow through with this or not.
One weekend I decided to go down to visit my mother. We caught up on what’s been going on in our lives and then suddenly I pulled out the envelope and dropped it on the kitchen table. She was in awe and from the looks of it and very confused. She asked what the envelope had inside. I asked her to have a look for herself. When she pulled out the first sheet, she read those same first three words. I then told her that this was something that I wanted to do for a long time and that there was nothing that was going to change my mind about it. Surprisingly, she didn’t disapprove or disagree with anything I had to say behind it. She was in fact very happy that I took the time and effort (let alone some of money) into applying into a program that’s entirely different than what I had just spent three years of my life prior to working where I am right now. She was the only one who knew about this.
Eventually as time went by, the word had spread about this and next thing I knew, I had close relatives asking questions or congratulating me on my acceptance. I didn’t care whether people thought it was a horrible idea or something that I should strive for as I do enjoy putting my ideas in twenty-four frames a second. Still, only a very select few knew about this.
As time went on and the deadline became closer and closer each day, I began to think about it more and more and asking simple questions to myself while alone in the darkness of my bachelor apartment – Can I go through with this? Can I afford to drop everything that I have right now and make the jump to a new city exploring an entirely different field in which I never thought of setting foot into?
Finally, the day of the application deadline arrived. It’s 11:00 at night and I had to be up for 5:00 the next morning. I’m sitting in bed with my own thoughts asking myself – I have one hour left to decide if I will move away from this city, not letting anyone know about this (besides those who knew about it already) and begin a new life? 12:01 passed. The decision was made on its own.
I realized in the few short months I would have to sell everything I owned, fly over to a new city, find a place to live, and somehow find the finances to pay for my books, let alone tuition. The question of getting another student loan seemed to have answered itself as my income would have been to large for them to consider handing more money off to me to pay back in the end. I didn’t care. I still had tens of thousands of dollars in current student loans to pay off for. At least if I could get into a new career in which I’d enjoy being in to, money would just be an object to me. That hasn’t changed throughout my life. Money means absolutely nothing to me and never has, probably never will. I would be happy living in a run-down place but as long as I had my sanity, I would be O-K. Right now in life, not so much.
So, here I am back to square one again. I’m working in a full-time job, making a good income, yet I horrible unhappy with what I’m doing. I’m fortunate to have such great friends in life to hang out with and share these thoughts and emotions with but I need to find a way to drop everything I have and move far, far away. The life I have now has holes in which needs patching in order to stop the leak of being happy. I’m sitting in front of the glow emitting from my monitor typing my thoughts and feelings out as I have no one else to discuss this with at this time of day. I believe I have found a solution however. After many days of thinking and financially planning, I will be moving away from this city by the end of this year. The job and success that I currently have will be non-existent to me and I will begin a new life elsewhere. I will want to return back to school in the Fall of 2011 in Multimedia Design as that currently covers a lot of my interest in technology and creativity. I feel oh-so limited as to what I can do with my imagination right now with the field of work I currently do which would probably explain why I dread going in to work each and every day. When the Christmas holidays arrive, I will be packing my things up here and moving elsewhere to start a new life in a new year. From January until the upcoming school year in the Fall, I will want to focus more on photography and videography as they’re currently the two elements of my life I cannot live without – oh yes, and music of course. Because of this, I would most likely not be able to handle a full-time job, let alone, go back to my current situation of hating my life and occupation. This bottled up creative mind needs to be released and I feel the only way in doing so is to start fresh with a new scenery and new environment. Until then, I will digress and live each day with a horizontal smile until the day will come where it can bend.
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